Overcast.

In the day. On my mind.

The incubus is infected with the common cold, and I'm a bit relieved. In his weakened state, his sting isn't that potent. I'd like to pamper him with tenderness.

Last night...

I sought intervention with The Society at our usual spot. The Chateau is our special place of gathering for these kinds of confab, over liquor. Martinis are so nice when shared with the Society. My elite is a dry watermelon martini. Nothing like it to soothe raging insides. It's like Cheers to us, we, The Society. Everyone actually knows and remembers your name.

I wanted to sleep with the incubus last night. Instead of alone, in my darkness with a white hot psyche. I don't think of him in an erotic manner at times, I just wonder what goes on in his head. I'd like to get in there, but the enigma within would drain my very essence, leaving me a babbling vegetable, screaming obscenities no one hears. A mind state I've experienced once before. The incubus is so intriguing to me. I wonder what he reasons with before he closes his eyes for another bout with slumber. I wonder if he uses me as his private muse, or his phrenic concubine. If he uses me at all.

If only I knew...

The Society thinks I should be a man about it. You know, act as they do? I should emulate a man who could care less about the women that love him, or the women he left in misery after a fervent screw. I don't know how to be that way. I can act like I can sing and dance to it, but when I'm left alone, who am I? A woman who plays an imaginary game for imaginary gain? Doubt would haunt me in the shadows.

Pimp juice, anyone?

Is it really recreation? When I hear people talking about this alleged game, I notice they're unattached, flagrant or downright uninformed. With the exception of my PS2, I don't understand the instructions on how to play. My instructions were in Japanese. It's mentioned as if it were an actual event with announcers and major players. I think it's just a way for ones to shield hearts so bitter, lies become sweet tastes on the tongue. Untruths as delectable confectionery for the naive to sample and savor.

I wanted candy...

Now, I'm concluding all I want is one who understands what I'm trying to articulate at any given moment. So, what if I want to share any given moment with the incubus? In my own warped way, I want him to be worthy of that. But within that statement, is my desperation declared for someone who appears to want me, but yet perplexes me?

The Society says I should fall back, but fall back to what? Fall back into a pool of misguided, misinformed deviants to destroy my body and mind with overtones of the supposed game?


I think not.