How I do....

I've been feeling odd lately. Although I've come home to myself, I have to get settled into the new digs. All the thoughts, schemes and capers I've come up with to help me along with this moving of thought in process, have not worked, and left me with more boxes of brain clutter I have to unpack. I decided to have a talk with some people, and I've decided I'm going to train in Akido, again. I used to train, but I left it alone for a bit, because my Sensei wanted to be more than a Sensei. Which left me more undisciplined than before. I need to find my Chi and get back to my discipline.

While I was talking, someone mentioned praying and God. Although, I do acknowledge a higher entity abounding somewhere, I just don't think going to church, catching fits and speaking in gibberish is going to help me. I found something that basically spoke what I felt...


"you know people talk about 'putting things in gods hands,' which often means 'I'm going to be too lazy to try to make an impact in my own life.' or loosely translates to 'I'm trying to test god to see if he/she/it will come through.' shit like that always made me sick. its like this, i was never one to blame some faceless devil when i did some shit i knew i shouldn't, and im not one to call on some mystery god by default whenever im in trouble, only to abandon my newfound spirituality when shit gets better, like 79% of people in existence. i got too many control issues for that. either its my fault or its not. pick a side, and stick to it. god has nothing to do with your failure...you have to do with your failure." ---www.xt04.com/infamous


Say word...

My blessings are always abundant. I'm never hungry, needy or destitute. But, does it make me an atheist because I haven't a need to scream out a name to help me through? I don't think so. I think I'll meditate. Clear out the clutter that has been confusing my spiritual house. I think that will make me feel 100%.

You don't look like the average geek...

I've heard people say this at my job, and I think it's the most derogatory statement anyone has ever expressed to me. Since my image doesn't reflect the stereotypical geek represented in media, it does not make me less of a tech. So I like to shower everyday, and I have a very functioning life away from my machine. I still love Macs, The Matrix, and Star Wars. I still spend countless hours playing Phantasy Star Online, and love it. "You look cooler than the average geek!" This was supposed to make me laugh. It didn't. I feel these mammals at my job take advantage of my technical abilities, only because I don't rip them a new one for lack of following simple directions. There have been times when, I've walked into the building, and instead of sending me an email or a voicemail, they're stopping me for some asinine problem. I've been in my office, mouth full of food, and people still have the nerve to come in and tell me about some technical issue. I mean, damn, can I eat first?!?!? I can't lie, my friends here get very special treatment. Call me! We'll do lunch, and I'll get you some cool speakers we only save for the big-wigs. Some of the mammals noticed that, and go out of their way to be extra nice, for a cool keyboard or some shiny peripheral they don't know how to use anyway.

Man, fuck that...

I tried to blame it on my PMS, which can get vicious and violent. It's more than that. I try to talk about it, and people look at me as if I have three heads. So I'm writing. I'm hoping I can wake up tomorrow, and I'll feel better. Right now, if someone comes into my office, I'm throwing a monitor.

No email, no voicemail, no service...

Enough said.