SugarHoneyIcedTea...

This has been the best time of my life. The Hidden Venom has really been a blessing in the passing days. It's funny how you can meet someone, and know nothing of who they are, or where they're from, but, just by a conversation, feel like you've known each other for lifetimes.

The Incubus once told me a story about a couple in love. They spent their lives together in happiness. They shared, loved and laughed, all in harmony. The ultimate couple in love. One died and the other could not exist. They both vowed, if death arrived for one and not the other, they would search for each other in the next life. For the Incubus, that was a beautiful sentiment. Even though, he's the tsunami I care not to contend with.

For the Hidden Venom, I feel so right with him. I feel so comfortable with him. I can be myself, and say/be anything.

My love is like whoa...

His kisses are like nothing I've ever encountered. They're like that first taste of your favorite ice cream. You enjoy that first melting and merge of flavors in your mouth. He kisses with such passion and warmth. Just the mere thought of kissing him, sends my flesh into frenzy.

Not on the first night...

It took all the restraint I had not to dance with this man. His eyes tell stories as if Tupac blessed his soul with his eloquence. His lips sing silent songs of rapture. His smile electrifies the cities in the confines of my spirit. My personalities like him. We really like him. He has the kind of flexible movement I've been searching for, my whole romantic life. Sex for me, although some episodes have been good, was an awkward dance. Men don't know how to treat women's bodies, and when they do, they act like assholes. I mean, damn, you're not the biggest or the best, it's not yours, and your name ain't Daddy.

I'm getting off-topic...

I have a feeling he will bring my body such pleasure, that I'm randy just thinking about the act. I haven't felt like this in a long, long, long time. Let's just say, I can't wait for him to rejoice in my temple. It's about damn time I can feel something genuine. I'm really happy about that. There's the thought of something else starting here, and although it's the newness of the situation, it's incredible.

So is he...

Never knew it felt like this...

Them. I've given up on the Venom Squad, as a whole. They bore me now. Each one has tried to capture me, and horribly failed. In the beginning, when the newness had new car smell, I was cool with it all. The late night chats, emails and attention had me open for a while. Now, it's all mundane. It seems they have all morphed into the same cornball dude, and it's turning me completely off. I no longer want any of the Venom Squad, I want him.

The Hidden Venom...

Him. I heard people say, there is one person on this planet that can reflect everything you've ever thought of yourself. Like personalities, same views, same likes and dislikes. We've all looked for it. That's the whole point of dating. To find the one that suits you so perfectly you don't need to speak, because he/she knows your thoughts. Fantasy for all. Some will say they don't need their thoughts read. I guess they're hiding something. He appeared, and the Venom Squad vanished. With one exchange of thoughts between us, that lasted for hours, he annihilated all the venoms by speaking my name.

Me. I needed someone like him. I've searched for him in every homie/lover/friend I've had. I've tried to understand and love unworthy men. They were never my equals, but I tried to give them pieces of me I knew they could'nt comprehend. Thus, my being alone.

Us. We're afraid of each other, in the sense that, we have not experienced something so beautiful/crazy/weird, ever. We keep asking if the other has experienced it. Our answers are always no. We've had our episodes in bad relationships. We've had heartbreak beyond measure. Right now, we're both elated in the fact of us. I'm enjoying him so. Someone finally heard and understood my lonely screams.

He was destined to call my name, and I was destined to hear him...

The Man From Glad...

I'm not going to make this a eulogy since my Pop passed last year, but I would like to make this a tribute to him.

This, folks, is Eddie Gladden. One of, if not the best drummer in the history of jazz. Now, there are great drummers, but none of them were as great as he was. Drumming was his lifeforce, but he meant more than that to me, now that I'm an adult.

Background story...

Back when I was a baby, my mother fell in love with a man named Eddie. He became my father, when my biological was too much of a coward to own up to a responsibility he created with my mother. For this, I was somewhat of a hurt child. I always wondered what I had done, to make my real father not want me. That's when my Pop stepped in.

I can remember when I was 5 years old, my real father told my mother he was coming to take me shopping. Although, Mom and Pop were an item, my mother never made a big fuss when my real father wanted to come around. Even though those moments were few and far between. So, I'm waiting, and waiting. Hoping and praying my father was not the liar my mother always complained about. I remember just sitting there, hoping he would open the door and grab my hand to take me anywhere. Anyplace with my father would have been wonderful. Hell, he could have taken me to the local bodega, and I would have been elated.

No one showed up...

This left me, a wee 5 year old, broken and bitter. I cried so hard, and my Pop saw this. I asked him would he be my Daddy. He told me, he couldn't be my real Daddy, but as long as he lived, he would be my play Daddy. From that moment on, he had become Pop. The one man who showed stability in my life. From then to now. He showed me the love and nurturing a father could in his own quiet way. I knew he was happy, when he would come to our house. We were his surrogate family. His home away from worry. His shelter from the outside world. Even though, our circumstances were quite complicated, we were the happy family. As I grew into a woman, my love for him changed, and strengthened. In my foolish, adolescent years, I did judge the relationship my mother had with him, but I changed my view when I became a woman. I finally realized what Pop brought to us, no one could have ever done, or do. He was the man of the house, and the King of our castle.

So, having said all this...

Pop, I know you're jamming somewhere with Uncle John, Miles, Art and Uncle Dex. I know you're loving it too! I never had the chance to say goodbye to you, but I think this is the only way for you to understand what is in my heart for you. I love you and I always will. Thank you for raising me to be a strong woman with a penchant for bebop. In the next life, I will be the protege singing your songs and rejoicing in your solos. I am and will forever be your princess.

Happy Father's Day...

I'm every woman, it's all in me...

I've been quite the social butterfly. There have been a few that have caught my eye and captured my interest. Read on, I'll explain...

The Five Deadly Venoms...

Yes, there are 5. I like them all, and for once in my life, I'm not committed to any of them. It's a good thing. Let's discuss the Fab Five, shall we?

1. The Incubus - Yes, everyone, he is included in the Venom Squad. He's always confused me, but yet, he's so beautiful. His aura radiates pure chaos. I'd like to think I'm the one to harness it. But, I seem to get cut each time I touch him. It stings so sexy.

2. The Dreamwalker - He's my ace. He's my reciprocal and he is my weakness. My love and my lust in extremes. He's the one I want to share every intimate with, but I want to surround him in my heated nirvana. I want to include him in everything I do, but I also want to swallow him slowly. I want to bathe him in my blue light, and sing him a song of solace.

3. The Therapist - He intends to analyze every erotic thought and bend them into his likeness. He's excited at the fact of a woman having the same sexual appetite and prowess as a man, yet he's afraid to test the waters. He shows fear in his grandiosity, but I can see through it. Still the fact remains, I love his voice.

4. The Overachiever - I like him a lot. He has a charm like lotion after a hot bath. Soothing. He works too damn much, though. A vampire with a FedEx badge. I don't think I can deal with the long hours and short pay, but hell, I make my own money, so it's of no consequence. I need someone to sleep next to, not be my alarm clock when he's just coming in from work. I told him to slow down, but, he told me life is better with more cheddar. Yeah, but at what cost??

5. The PrizeFighter - He's the most interesting of them all. He believes that all he touches, including me, is his. Even though he hasn't had his chance to touch me yet. I've been dubbed his Baby Girl, his love bug and his ultimate match. I'm waiting to find out what he plans to do when he lands his first blow.

The Venom Squad has been keeping me up with late night laughter, and nocturnal emissions. I need my sleep, but I love the attention. I await the outcome, and see who ends up being the star of the sitcom that is my life.

Each of them personifies qualities I search for in my significant other. My better half. The one. Question is, who will choose me? Better still, who will I choose?

We'll see who lasts...

Frustration...

Me: I'm missing you...

Him: That's sacrilegious...

Somebody help me...

Pink cookies in a plastic bag...

I've got a bone to pick with myself. Already. I've let so many entities into my world, that I've lost count. I've been thinking about sex lately. No, let me say that again. I've been wanting sex lately, but not in the normal tense. I've been wanting intensity. That's it. Intensity. I've been wanting to scream someone's name. Make a call out to God, to help me comprehend the pleasure being administered to my flesh, by another lifeform. Just once, I want intensity again. I've only felt it a few times. Very few men in my life have ever been able to give me intensity. I need that. I want your essence. I want your spirit. I want your thought processes while you lay close to me. Your tongue would be so warm on my skin that I'd break out in aphrodisia. I want to play in your sunshine, and bathe in your rain.

Wait, I'm flashbacking...

The Scorpion. He was my best friend. We were students together at a well known music production school in NYC. Sympatico. We used to laugh at the same jokes, sing the same songs, and think the same thoughts. We knew we couldn't be together, because we had relationships, but we weren't happy. Then we lost each other. We found each other again, a year later. We would get together after my late night shift as a *phone whore, and ride around. We'd laugh and joke about the petty issues couples go through, and what we'd do if we we're put in similar situations. We'd also share the same thought of kissing each other, but we never did.

Until...

One night, I was bored. So was he. The man I sold my heart to lived so many miles away, I needed a comfort zone. We got together again. We spent the whole night enjoying each other and offering each other temporary peace. So, it was bound to happen. I kissed him, finally. Breaking our years of emotional silence. My mind was on fire, my voice left the confines of my throat, and my body was ice cold. I can't quite explain what he gave me that night. All I know is, he was love, personified. Though, I promised myself to a distant man, who didn't provide me with the love I needed at the time, it didn't matter. For that one moment, I was engulfed in love. I was teleported into a space that I didn't want out from. Nothing existed but my Scorpion. Yet, it didn't last.

We lost each other again...

A year later, distance and jealousy had infected my relationship. It finally ended. After having empty sex with even emptier promises, we found each other again, and vowed never to leave each other's side. Nothing would come between us. Not even sheets, which never seemed to stay on beds if we were alone. Our sexual escapades were religious experiences as we created shrines with our bodies, urging us to pay sensual homage to one another. Our screams of passion were hymns of erotic obscenities, only for our ears to enjoy, our bodies to endure, and our souls to memorize. Then...

Love came in, and fucked it all up...

We didn't love each other. We fucked. And we confused the whole damn thing. We didn't talk. We fucked. And after we fucked, we just were. That's it. Although we should have talked like we had talked years ago, when we were best friends, we didn't. We just fucked. Then there we were. Lost, confused, and missing one another. I miss him. I still think of him now. It's funny how something so contrived and trite, can make you stare at yourself in the mirror and wonder what the fuck came out your mouth the minute someone mentions love. I guess fear, ego, and youth can destroy years of friendship. My one regret.

Wherever you are, my Scorpion, I loved you...


Know this...


*Back in the day, I was a telemarketer for a company that sold symphony tickets. Imagine my disdain and pity for telemarketers all over the world.