Mic check, 1, 2...
 
Yesterday was the greatest day.  I spent my Saturday afternoon with the Rock Steady Crew on their 27th Anniversary.  History was made yesterday.  This was the first time the RSC was ever showcased in Newark.  And I was there.   The pics below were taken with my phone, so, please nevermind the size!

I decided to go alone, because everyone who said they would come check it out, didn't.  And that wasn't a bad thing.  It just meant, I was a bit nervous being alone in a venue like that, but all that changed once I got there.  


MC Planet Asia

To the beat ya'll...

I woke up Saturday morning hoping to see the sun out and the rain disappear.  It was still a bit gloomy.  I got a couple of phone calls from a few cats, all asking about the concert.  I was not to be persuaded not to go.  This was just too phenomenal a line up to miss.  

I cleaned up my house, shot the breeze with a couple of heads and then hit the shower.  I was determined to wear one of my signature beaters with *missvan on the front.   Usually when I rock my missvan beaters, I get double takes, and second looks. The images I choose for my beaters are a bit risque.  Most people are not too sure as to what I'm trying to represent, but it's cool.  I like when people think I'm mysterious and daring.  I put on a gray beater, w/my dark GAP jeans that hug the curves like a racecar on the Autobahn.

I grabbed some cash, and I was off.  When I got there, I didn't see the crowds I was expecting to see.  Actually I didn't see anyone, but I heard thunderous bass.  I knew then I was in the right place.  I walked through *Military Park,  and there it was.  A stage was constructed exclusively for this event.  Usually with Newark events, trailers are wheeled out, and opened up. This event was bigger than what Newark is used to. I got on line, and I got in.  I found a lovely spot right near the stage.  Since it was a FREE concert, I was able to find a spot nice enough to see everything. 

MC Planet Asia,again, rippin' it for da Bricks

And ya don't stop...

I walked up just in time for the starting of the emcee battle.  All the emcees who represented were kind of tight.  But Reef the Lost Cauze, was the best, and the winner, which was cool.   Then, the first act who came up, QN5.  These cats ripped it.   The sound was fuckin' up, and ToneDeff, one of the members of QN5,  gave an acapella of epic proportions.  Then, Punch, Wordsworth, and one of the greatest lyricists on the *Symphony, Masta Ace rocked.  It was fantastic.  Then, Planet Asia came up.  I never realized he was such a cutie.  He did one of my favorite cuts, Definition of Ill, and I lost my fuckin' mind.  *Heiro was definitely represented by Casual and Pep Love.  I wasn't too into them, but they still rocked.  Then, this girl group, Off The Curb, did their thing.  Now, I'm not too much into the dancing thing, but this little chick with an indigenous look, started the beatbox thing.  Now, I'm not one for making music with my mouth, in public, but she took it to a new level.  She, and her crew gave a great show.  *EOW then got on the mic.  End Of The Weak were the hosts of the show, and they even gave ME a shout.  The one I had my eye on, was really cute.  Just my style.  His lyrics were stellar.  We made some eye contact here and there, and even said a few things to each other while he was on stage, but then again, I made eye contact with alot of the emcees on stage.   I was very noticable, yesterday.  Cot damn!  Then, to close out the show, Tony Touch came out and did my song, Dimelo. That's definitely a banger.  I lost my natural mind when the Beatnuts came out and rocked, *Prendelo and Off The Books.  The show only had minutes left.  The whole RSC came out and did the B-Boy thing.  It was a wonderful, wonderful show, and I'm glad I didn't miss it. 

Now, for the other shit...

Once the show was over, I made my way home from the stage. People had begun to leave, and I was one of them. I lit up a Newport and started my trek back to the rest. I saw PackFM from QN5, and I gave him a big hug.  He said he saw me out there, and I'm glad he did.  As I walked further, I saw Mecca from QN5,  grabbing some grub from Subway.  I hugged him, and told him his show was great.  We exchanged words, and I made sure I told him I was a fan of his.  Which I am.  He told me to shout him out on his boards, www.mrmecca.com and I did. 

I got a chance to hug the winner of the emcee battle too.  You know, I love giving love for their art.  These cats live and breathe hip hop.  I do too.  I don't rhyme, I don't dance, and I don't DJ.  But I love the art.  I support the art and the artists.  I think this is the beginning of my new love with hip hop.  My new love with the open mic circuit. 


My new love with me... 

*missvan - A female graffitti artist out of Toulose, France.
*Military Park - One of the parks in Newark, NJ. No one really chills in this park, but it's really good for outdoor concerts and festivals.

*The Symphony - One of the tightest posse cuts ever created.  Masta Ace started it off with, "Listen closely, 'til your attentions' undivided." If you can finish that, with no hesitation, you're definitely in the know.

*Heiro - Heiroglyphics crew, consisting of Souls of Mischief, Casual, Del the Funky Homosapien, and more.

*EOW - End of the Weak crew.  I plan on going to one of their open mic nights.  Even if to just make more eye contact with Big Man Cutie.  :)

*Prendelo - It means Light It Up!

Tell 'em why you mad, son...
 
Why am I mad, you ask?
 
I'll tell you why.  I'm noticing each time I decide to even let someone in, something happens that is just too dramatic for me to deal with.   I've been trying to let go of the past, embrace my present and look forward to my future.  With every chance I get, I try to make new friends, discover something new about myself, and absorb it all without any pain against me.   It hasn't been that easy, but it's been do-able.   I'm cool with do-able.  No one else is, though.
 
I think it's better I tell you now...
 
It's simply not fair when you have to tell someone you're not cool with the way things are going.  I'm usually a sympathetic soul when it comes to telling people the truth.  I want to be honest in every way, but something always comes in between that.  
 
Just recently, I spent some time with one I'll call the Professor. 
 
Now, the way the Professor and I started, it was a telephone/IM/email thing.  I really didn't want to start anything, only because Hidden Venom was occupying my time.  the Professor would leave annoying voicemails about how he wanted to talk, and how we needed to connect and all that other crap men tell women when they're interested.  The one phone call I decided not to ignore turned out to be a nice one,  and it began a really nice friendship. 
 
Until...
 
Understand when I say,  I would look forward to our talks.  He had a comfort level that I've always loved settling back with people.  We'd laugh, joke, and just politic about the ways of the world.  It was really nice, until love reared it's ugly head.  In one talk we had, towards the end of the week, he mentioned his feelings were very strong for me.  I made it clear that, I didn't want to lead him on, and our friendship was nice, but to give me some time.  I'm dealing with some major wounds, and I need to let them heal.  A relationship is so out of the question.  
 
He thinks I don't know...
 
Listen, I've seen him.  He's a very nice looking guy.  But he's not what I'm looking for.  Is that a shallow thing to say?  Hell no.  Why?  I believe, for myself, if I decide to settle down again, he has to encompass everything that I need.   He can't lack in any area.  If he lacks, then my eyes and my heart will go another way.   And that leads to more drama, which as you already know, I don't need.  I'm attracted to him for other reasons.  He's smart.  He's cool.  He's funny.  I like that about the Professor.  But, I'm not attracted to him physically.  As I've stated here before, I need a man that can rejoice in my temple over and over again.  I don't think he can do it.  It's not possible.  I kissed him yesterday, just to get it over with, and it had to be the most uncomfortable kiss that I've ever experienced in my life.  I've dated bad kissers.  Hell, I've dated the worst kissers.  He ranked #1 in the *NAKL.  And he left remnants and souvenirs of the event all over me.  With a salty, sweet, icky smell on my lips.  I think I'm still queasy. 
 
Here's the unfair part...
 
I've been honest with him, by saying, I didn't want a relationship.  I really don't think I need one.  Not right now.  He's saying he wants to be with me and ONLY me.  He's looking forward to sharing and loving and laughing and all that other Lifetime TV bullshit.  He wants to be my man.
 
Oh, no you don't....
 
I asked, since he became my friend, he get to know me and everything about me.  That should be enough right? Wrong.  Now he's backing me into a corner,  acting all strange and cold,  and I don't like that kind of shit around me.   With this kind of behavior, I can easily cut you off, and block you from my life.  I've done it before, and I can do it again, without the slightest worry.  But with him, I feel a genuine bond here, and I really want him as a friend, but all this love shit has to stop.  It's starting to feel stalkerish, and unwanted.  I don't want that from him.  I want a true friendship, with fun and laughter.   The relationship thing can wait.  I'd rather wait anyways.  I need to be with me before I let me be with anyone else.  I wish he could understand that.  I don't think he will though.... 
  
  
 
Another one bites the dust...
 
 

*Nasty Assed Kissers League

I'm makin' moves and you runnin' in place...

Okay, so...

Sometimes I wonder to myself if I want entirely too fuckin' much. All I want is love, right? Hell, all I want is a decent check without all the deductions. What do I get? FICA and a whole lot of disappointment.

I went through a whole two documentations about the Hidden Venom, and the sick part is, the Venom was so hidden, he hid from me. All I want to know is why?

Why you gotta do me like that...

I never asked for this. I never asked to be spoken to in a sexy voice. I never asked for the compliments. I never asked to lay beside you and listen to you breathe. I never asked for the weed-laced kisses that were soft like peaches. I never asked for the ox-tails. I never asked for the first kiss at Fleet Bank. I never asked for the $25 I got sent home in a cab with. I never asked for the Che Guevara tee shirt.

Wait, I did ask for that...

I never asked for the late night phone calls. I never asked for the text messages that started my day. I never asked for the voice mails during my work hours on your cigarette breaks. I never asked for the stalkerish phone calls you made when I didn't keep my phone on vibrate when I was getting my pedicure. I never asked for your friendship. I never asked you to care. I never asked for you to leave, either.

The lardaceous broad vocalized...

I'm done, yo. I'm absolutely done. I'm done with the Venom Squad. I'm done and down with love. I've come to the realization that, although I have admirers, and I feel like a rockstar these days, cats are not checkin' for the love I'm checkin' for. I want life and death love. I want the kind of love that wakes you up in the middle of the night just to call him because you couldn't sleep and the first thing out of your mouth is his name. I want the kind of love that Toni Morrison wrote about. Sarah Vaughn sang about. John Coltrane played about.

The kind of love I cry myself to sleep about.


A Love Supreme...

I got a right to be hostile...

Just when I thought the Hidden Venom would take away all the torment that I've been experiencing since the Programmer fucked my world up, Venom adds to the problem. All I want to know is, when did I allow my heart to feel something for someone I barely knew?

I can't lie. Venom brought me something I've never experienced. For that one week, he brought me life in it's purest form. Life in it's purest form is either love or death in my eyes, and since I didn't die, he brought me raw love. Something I thought did not exist. Well, only in Lifetime movies and Harlequin romances.

When that week was over, Venom disappeared. I couldn't hear anything from him. Nothing. I've been left before. After sex. After arguments. Hell, after dinner. But, never after a week of bliss.

Nag Champa...

He was the silence in the middle of a crowd of screaming children playing. He was the beauty in morning's first kiss before sunlight. He was the sound of babies cooing, and giggling. He was the ecstasy of a lover's caress in the dark. His lips were my salvation, and his body was my damnation, although I never got a chance to indulge. Damn. How did he become all that I craved, and all that I've loved in a matter of moments? How does one become your enemy, when all you want to do is hand over your soul, no questions asked? This has to stop. I've been wanting to hand over a bit too much this year.

Alice in Wonderland...

In my mind, there are two likenesses of me. I realized this when I broke up with the Programmer. There's the adult side of my personality, and then there's the child. See, the adult makes all of the adult decisions. She's the breadwinner. She's the head of my mental household. Then there's the child. She is my lost innocence. She's the laughter, and the rhyme. She's songs, summertime and sleepovers.

She's lost and crying now...

I feel I've failed her. The only thing she should have to worry about is when the next happy moment comes. The adult shoulders the responsibility of the pain I feel. But, when the child in me, splits from the adult, she runs off, clutching an old teddy bear, and hiding her face. I can hear her crying now. All the child wants is a friend. All the adult wants is a lover. When we choose someone, they always disappoint. They never keep promises or try to love us. We need our promises kept and we need our love returned.

The adult is searching for the child now. She needs the warmth of the adult's arms. Rocking her, and telling her it's okay. When I'm able to achieve that, I'll be alright, but, my child is gone. Lost in the recesses of brain folds and dry tears. When the adult does find her, she'll be protected, and playing amongst the cherry blossoms once more.

I'm sorry, Keda...