I got a right to be hostile...

Just when I thought the Hidden Venom would take away all the torment that I've been experiencing since the Programmer fucked my world up, Venom adds to the problem. All I want to know is, when did I allow my heart to feel something for someone I barely knew?

I can't lie. Venom brought me something I've never experienced. For that one week, he brought me life in it's purest form. Life in it's purest form is either love or death in my eyes, and since I didn't die, he brought me raw love. Something I thought did not exist. Well, only in Lifetime movies and Harlequin romances.

When that week was over, Venom disappeared. I couldn't hear anything from him. Nothing. I've been left before. After sex. After arguments. Hell, after dinner. But, never after a week of bliss.

Nag Champa...

He was the silence in the middle of a crowd of screaming children playing. He was the beauty in morning's first kiss before sunlight. He was the sound of babies cooing, and giggling. He was the ecstasy of a lover's caress in the dark. His lips were my salvation, and his body was my damnation, although I never got a chance to indulge. Damn. How did he become all that I craved, and all that I've loved in a matter of moments? How does one become your enemy, when all you want to do is hand over your soul, no questions asked? This has to stop. I've been wanting to hand over a bit too much this year.

Alice in Wonderland...

In my mind, there are two likenesses of me. I realized this when I broke up with the Programmer. There's the adult side of my personality, and then there's the child. See, the adult makes all of the adult decisions. She's the breadwinner. She's the head of my mental household. Then there's the child. She is my lost innocence. She's the laughter, and the rhyme. She's songs, summertime and sleepovers.

She's lost and crying now...

I feel I've failed her. The only thing she should have to worry about is when the next happy moment comes. The adult shoulders the responsibility of the pain I feel. But, when the child in me, splits from the adult, she runs off, clutching an old teddy bear, and hiding her face. I can hear her crying now. All the child wants is a friend. All the adult wants is a lover. When we choose someone, they always disappoint. They never keep promises or try to love us. We need our promises kept and we need our love returned.

The adult is searching for the child now. She needs the warmth of the adult's arms. Rocking her, and telling her it's okay. When I'm able to achieve that, I'll be alright, but, my child is gone. Lost in the recesses of brain folds and dry tears. When the adult does find her, she'll be protected, and playing amongst the cherry blossoms once more.

I'm sorry, Keda...