Cape Fear...

I started this dialogue with the virtual world, in hopes that I would find what I was looking for in myself. I did. Actually, I found what I don't want. Looking for a significant other has been an undertaking, to say the least. So many entities and personalities have crossed my path; and shown me things I could've only revealed here. I've noticed the male species I've had the displeasure to consort with have had issues I never knew existed. Finding this information out, I've found what I really need in my significant other. I'll list my concerns here:

I got 99 sneakers, but a heel ain't one...

The man I choose to share my life with, has to accept my choices as a woman. I choose to wear sneakers as fashion footwear a great percentage of the time. You, no matter how smooth/loving/demanding/convincing you may think yourself, cannot change this. I do, however, get dressed when there is a need. I'm a geekgirl. Live with it.

My religion is my everyday life. Because you have Jesus in your life, does not mean that I need him in mine. Don't get me wrong, I am a spiritual woman. As I've stated before, I don't need to go into a building, pay a cover charge, be visually molested and lied to, by a con-man on a pulpit. I do not feel this way about all religions, but, I do feel strongly about my spiritual conscience. I feel as a human being, there is more than one way to get to the mountaintop. I don't feel I need to wear heels to get there. You cannot change this. Your way is NOT my way. Accept, adapt, or move on.

Because you have a strong cause, it is not my cause. You may be attracted to my words, phrases and sharp quips, but I am not moved because you are. If I say no, then I mean it. I cannot be swayed/cajoled/convinced to move any other direction than what I've set out for myself.

Do not, I repeat, do not think beautiful words will change my frame of mind. Beautiful words used to gain your point of view only pisses me off even more. Especially when you think paraphrasing the art of making love is going to moisten the in between regions of my thighs. Think again, son.

Once you've made me journey to the dark side of my soul, you are thus turned out/turned away/turned loose, never to be trusted again.

Know this.

Diva's got a man...

I want to look in his eyes and know there is a revolution in his soul. I want to hear his voice, and be moved by it's quiet and uncompromising timbre. I want to melt under his cool hand, but rejoice in the artistry of his character. He has to be confident, not arrogant. He has to be loving, not greedy. He has to be erotic, not repulsive. He has to be compassionate, not self-serving. When I say no, he'll be aroused by the fact that I do have a mind, heart, and soul; and I have an opinion. Several of them. He'll know when he looks at me, he has a teammate/lover/fighter in his midst. When he thinks of me, he'll know I'm just a breath away, because my thoughts are with him. When he looks at me, I'll hear children's laughter, and ocean waves crashing, alerting me to the innocence and reality of his being tangible. I want him to walk, talk and breathe love, but I also want him rational, cerebral and surreal. All of this, and he'll still know how to make spaghetti from scratch, whip my ass in Tekken, and talk big shit while he's holding me close.

Yeah, that *braggadocio gets me everytime.

He's there, somewhere.

This time, I'm going to let him find me.


I await you, solemn one...

*braggadocio - A swaggering, cocky manner in a masculine sense.