Impatience...

Why am I plagued with this disorder impatience? Each time I want something, I tend to rush it. I want it like now. I want things to go my way, and that's the bottom line. Even when I was smaller, I wanted things at that moment. No matter what the cost. Either it's called being spoiled, or driven. I'd like to call it driven. I don't mind working hard for what I want. I think that's a great part of my personality. Whether it's work, or romance, I'm willing to work especially hard to get what I want. I don't know how to wait for things. I think this is the reason I miss out. I just don't want things to happen, I need to make them happen. I've never been one to sit around waiting until someone else decides my fate. I've been a good woman for a good, long time, and I'm not comfortable with the idea of having someone else choose me. Not even for kickball...

Until now...

I've decided to fall back a little with Carpenter. Even though we had a very romantic weekend, I don't want to become too needy. Needy is just not my thing anymore. It feels like undercover stalking. Well, not stalking, but, calling someone a little too much. The way I see it, calling someone over 3 times per day, is overkill. Unless there is gossip to be dished, or emergencies to be relayed, that's the only time I plan on calling more than once. But, in recent years that has not been the case. I've always called, just to say hey or I'm thinking of you. Something to that effect. Don't get me wrong, I haven't hit the 3 call per day mark, because, when you do, the person on the other line thinks you're schitzophrenic. Or, that other word I hate, NEEDY. This time, I think I'll stop the chase. My legs are tired.

Best friends until the end...

Venom resurfaced, yet again. This time, I finally said what I needed to say. I allowed my heart to do all the talking. For once, my verbals came out logical, and concise. It was made clear how I felt, and how I was going to feel from this day forward. I mentioned the re-evaluation of our relationship, and stated what was in my psyche. We basically ironed out our differences, and I even said some shit I've been holding in since he left. Although, when comments tumbled out of my mouth like japanese acrobats, once they were stated, I felt better. When things need to be said, just say them. I'm learning by expressing my thoughts, I come across better. My load is even lighter than before. Although I'll miss the occasional lust filled stare at my ass, I'm happier knowing I won't lose my mind when he decides to leave again. Who knows, he might end up being my soul twin. The twin brother I've always wanted.

Yeah, that sounds cool...