What this is...

Carpenter and I spent some time this weekend. I know I've made sweeping judgments about the characters that have auditioned for my show, Fuck Bridget Jones: The Bamboozled Diaries, but, somehow I feel I need to comment on this particular occasion. Carpenter has shown me what I've needed in people. I've needed to be comfortable. I've needed to be an adult. I've needed to feel like I have a voice, and he does that. He makes me feel like I'm living and breathing. I don't feel like a piece of meat, which I've actually started to get used to. I've tried to mask that feeling with pseudo-bravado, and ego. Only to find myself empty, and alone. I'm not saying I'm defining myself by what he's shown me. I'm saying, since I've found me, which has not been an easy task, he's added the perfect sugar to my otherwise bitter lemonade. I've noticed in the past year, what I've gone through has actually shaped my thoughts into better perspective. I've stated I've wanted and what I've thought I've needed, and I couldn't have been more wrong.

I'm feeling...

I thought my whole world would have been better, if I had someone to share my thoughts with. Share my life with. Share my ups and downs with. Although, I will admit, I do need that. But what I've needed was her. Me, in third person. In this time, I've noticed how truly beautiful I really am. I know this sounds so cliche, but it's true. I've always needed to define my person in who thought I was beautiful. I've always searched for a best friend in others, but, I've found the truest friend I've been searching for all my life. She's cool, she's quirky, and she's cute. No one could have ever told me I would find this in her, on my own. Everything seems right. Finally.

It's great to be here...

This journey has been a rough one. This in no way says I'm finished, but, I am seeing the beauty in life/love/lust again. I'm shedding my skin, and shedding the extra baggage I've taken on in earlier posts. The burden doesn't seem as heavy as it used to. It feels good not to have to worry about all of that. Now, on to the goodness. It feels refreshing to have the sun on my face again.

Let's continue to build...