Here we go again...

Like I've always said, things are so confusing that they're clear...

Venom and I have been great. Our friendship has blossomed into something really cool. We talk, and share things that only we understand. We act, think, talk and dream alike. Although I've said I could never be in love with a man like him, I'm starting to rethink the whole process, again.

Owno...

Even though I have enough people to keep me busy, I still want to breathe in Venom's ear. Even though we are friends, (and friends don't do the kinds of things that I want to do to him) I just want to stand still, and let everything move around me. Am I wrong for being somewhat infatuated with my new best friend? Is it wrong that we are kinda infatuated with each other now, but disguise it as a friendship we don't want to relinquish? I thought I had exorcised this demon. But in retrospect, I think I needed to understand him better, so I could love him longer.

I love him......

I love him for his wit...
I love him for his charm...
I love him for his ability to play dumb when he knows what's really good...
I love him for his late night voice...
I love him when he retreats in the shadows...
I love him even when he disappears...
I love him for his shyness...
I love him for his conceit...
His humor...
His style...
His love for his family...
His hatred for bullshit...
His crafty ways...
His slippery movements...
His SNAP...
Just him...
I love him...

So, fuck it...

I'll never tell him about how I feel. I'll keep this to myself. No matter what goes down between us. We'll always have friendship. We'll always have us. And that's cool to me.

And...

We'll always have that rainy Friday night...

Dear Summer...

A concerto of moments...

Smoking on Blacky's porch on Eder Terrace...
Sitting on cars, eating Italian icees from the trucks at 3:00AM...
Watching Mr. Lou manage the Summer court leagues...
Drinking Vodka straight from the bottle days after Little Sean died...
Waiting for the sun to go down, just to get dressed...
Memorizing K-Solo...
Swimming with LTM...
The model, the secretary and the gangsta...
Crushin' on Bobo w/his chinky eyes...
Walking down Mt. Vernon Pl, for a slice from Albert's...
Purple AF1's, Champion tee-shirt, and Champion shorts...
Shrd, Dmn, J, Omr, Kny, Sym, and all my interests...
Being in love every other minute...
RIP to the lost loves of every other minute...
Sean, Hass, Corey, Bobby, James, Buddha, and all my play fathers who told me to go in the house...
Chloe Fruity Pops..
Birthday celebrations while listening to Biggie, Raekwon, and D'Angelo...
Lny's house...
JoJo, Lissa and the whole Ivy Hill summer bench crew...
Jermaine...
Walking behind the buildings to Wlgrns, A&P and Ivy Hill LQ...
Tung-Tin, and his fast and furious car...
Steve, and Wayne...
Ice Cube...
Calling D on Norwood, for kisses in the middle of the night...
Ciphe, and his Juicy Fruit, lovin' ass...
Lny and the late nights crew spent blown on his porch, in his attic, and his living room...
The Cordia/Eclipse crew...
Attack on New Jeruse...
Anita Baker haircuts for A's prom...
Ivy Hill being a world all it's own when the sun came up/went down...

I love you, still...

Needs vs. Wants...

I need a new career.
I need a new car.
I need a sense of security.
I need a pedicure, badly.
I need some closure.
I need to know everything's okay.
I need a cigarette.

Wants vs. Needs...

I want kisses.
I want morning sex.
I want to feel safe.
I want a love letter.
I want stability.
I want clarity, again.
I want a cigarette.

Damn nicotine fits...

Luther Ronzoni Vandross...

It must be wonderful to finally dance with your father...

Rest in peace, Beautiful One...