If I give myself to you...

What will it mean? Will I fall in love with you when you inhale my lotus? Will I lose respect for you? Will you lose respect for me? Are we going to enjoy us afterwards?

It's totally evident that I want to give myself to Venom and it confuses me. I want to be his friend, but then I want to give him everything he needs. When I find out more and more information about him, I want to throw my hands in the air and run screaming into the hills. But, in saying that, I want to be trapped in his center, never to be let out again.

I'm not second guessing myself about being near him, as he wants to be near me too, but, again, he scares the daylights out of me. He's a force to be reckoned with, and a very strong woman with a very strong resolve can only deal with him. Sometimes, I think it's me. Sometimes I don't.

Warn the citizens, the beast is loose...

Some information was revealed to me today, and I put on my battle armor. I see the bedroom as a battleground. I'm ready for war. He's opened my senses and I can't close down. Confusing as our dance is, we want the music faster, stronger and longer. At least, that's how I see it. The main question I ask is, what is it that he wants from me? He says a friend. I say something else. Although, I am his friend, and I'll want nothing to come between us. I want to strip him, and drain him until his well is dry and cracked. But, if I do, what is left for me?

I'm no one's concubine, although, I'm familiar with that position. I just don't want to be his. But in saying that, I don't know if I'm ready for a full fledged relationship with all the trimmings. I do want him, badly...



Truly, Madly, Deeply...

HBDC...

Birthday celebrations are always good. Friday, The Chateau Society came through with a *Coldstone cake, and we did the bonding thing. That was really fun. My birthday was on Saturday, and I saw/heard from people that wished me well on my birthday, and, I got to spend a greater part of the day, with Venom.

We laughed, joked, and just enjoyed each other's company. Honestly, I can't remember a time where it felt better. It's always good to just to kick back and enjoy someone's presence without the tinge of sexual conquest.

Although, I did want to suck him straight through his Gap boot cuts...

But I held it together.

So Blue...

I've been feeling a bit down lately. I have no business feeling this way. I have a home, food, and shelter. Things definitely could be worse, but they're not. I have people that care about me, and love me for who I am, but, I'm just feeling like I'm under this dark cloud. The dark cloud being my funky-assed mood right now. I had a dream recently, that I was crying. Just sitting on a chair, crying. I've read these dreams are ones of release, but then, I've also read, to dream of your sadness is your mind's way of accepting the loss of friendship, youth and innocence. These are heavy issues, but they are vast things you couldn't mourn in your waking life -- even if you could see them. So, the soul weeps deeply at night. Maybe it's just my PMS again.

So Gone...

On the flip side, Venom has been wonderful. He's been attentive and caring. I'm hoping this lasts. I don't want him to go away. When he went away the last time, I devoted at least one thought process to him every day. Now that he's back, I'm not sure how to approach. I want to jump in with both feet, and give him every last drop of my essence, but I don't want to scare him away. But, when you deal with someone that is your direct reflection, and you're not scared of such advances, how do you move?



Welcome, once again, to my delirium...




*Coldstone - Ice cream made in heaven. Ice cream cake = Heaven with icing!

Tainted visions...


Rain
A caramel/cream colored boy
Walking along an island road, paved; All alone
No shoes, no shirt, just shorts
Warmed by the tranquil, delicate drops
Smiling to himself
Owning his own luminous spirit
In the cozy opulence of his heart


Missing you...

Hide and Seek...

Well, guess what?

Venom is back. The Hidden Venom, that is. Why he decided to say something now, I don't know, but, he's definitely back. He's made his presence known, and I'm definitely taking notes.

I'm not the same woman I used to be, when I last wrote about Venom. I think I've went through my share of misadventures to last a lifetime, after bumping into him. I think I did more dating than most people do all their lives. I'm not sure if that was healthy, mentally, but, it sure was fun.

Memories...

All and all, it's been a fun ride. Now, I have to decide if I want Venom around, again. I have to be honest in saying, I do entertain the thought of kissing him again. Tasting the softness of ripened peaches, and looking into his eyes, again. I look forward to the feeling of summer. Warm breezes and text messages. Rainy nights and soft breathing on each other platonically. The essence of sexual activity between two Scorpions...

But...

Fear still lingers....

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. No, I'm not chickenshit enough not to go through with this, but I'm not yet that jaded to not ever speak to him again. I've liked him. I still like him. He just has to prove himself otherwise. We'll have to see.

And of course, I'll document it here...

:)

Welcome Back, Venom...